


Summers Spent in a Hospital

by mthevlamister



Series: Measuring a Year [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Evan is straight for Zoe, Evan was once gay for Jared, Everybody Lives, Fuck it he's super gay for Jared, He let go, He's into both Zoe and Jared, I'm making this up as I go, Jared is gay for Evan, M/M, No one deserves to disappear, Soon to be Connor, Still a bit, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, connor is gay for evan, fucking fight me, no one dies, not much, someone finds Evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-17 21:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/pseuds/mthevlamister
Summary: "But what if Connor tried to kill himself at the same time as Evan?" Well I have a story for you, and it's like me.Very gay.





	1. Hospital nights

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: I force myself to look my girlf in the eyes because she gets this sparkle and I get super happy and I love her.

Evan Hansen never thought he'd run into the Murphys here. Not his long time crush and her family, not that summer. 

But there he was, in the hospital, his bed next to Connor-fucking-Murphy. Evan kept his head down as the picture perfect family shuffled in and talked to Connor. Zoe did a double take, seeing Evan (a boy she noticed once or twice) in the same hospital room before returning to her brother. Cynthia fussed over Connor, saying how worried she when she found him. Larry put a hand on Connor's shoulder, apologizing for saying it was for attention. He promised he'd try harder as a dad, to not take the easy route. Connor nodded, looking agitated for a second before speaking. "Can I see a therapist?" Larry tensed before relaxing and nodding. Zoe scoffed, hugging Connor and making him promise never to do that again. The family was all talking when Heidi ran in, tears in her eyes. 

"Evan?! Oh my baby! You're okay?! Oh my god you scared me! T-the person who found you said you were sitting there! You were on a tree and you just let go!" Heidi hugged Evan, jumping back when Evan yelped in pain because his arm. "Sorry, I'm sorry Evan! I'm so sorry." 

"I-i-it's fine! I-I, um, fell?" Evan stammered, feeling all of the Murphys gazing him. "I fell." 

"No you didn't, Evan please." Heidi begged, holding her son's good hand tightly. "Evan." 

Evan looked down, guilt ridden. "I-I let go, I'm sorry Mom." 

"Oh, Evan. You remember when you were little, when Dad was home? When that truck came into the driveway? Remember what you said that night Evan?" Heidi wiped her eyes, then Evan's. Evan smiled weakly before nodding. "Another truck will never come, I'm here I promise. No matter what, I'll be here for you." 

"I-I love you M-Mom." Evan stammered, looking down. He wanted to cry, not in front of Zoe, not in front of Connor Murphy who would bully him if he saw. Yet, Evan was tearing up as his mother talked about his father and him leaving. Heidi was crying silently, in pain because her son was so upset. 

"We can start with your doctor, right? Start the letters again, okay Ev?"

"Y-yes Mom." 

"Oh Evan!" Heidi began to cry more. "As soon as I'm done school, I promise--" 

"M-Mom, y-y-your caller. A-a patient n-needs you." Evan pointed at his mother's little beeper like device. 

"Oh, you're right. I'll be back before visiting hours are over, or after!" Heidi winked, making Evan smile slightly. "Perks of working here, sweetie." 

Evan smiled and laid down, closing his eyes so hopefully he'd nap until the Murphys left. He didn't get any sleep, the family was talking far too loud for him to sleep. Connor was bickering with Zoe, it was obvious by her tone she was upset but didn't want to show it. Evan held himself, keeping his eyes closed whilst listening. Cynthia was talking about food they could try when Connor got home. Everyone laughed when Larry mumbled pizza, but Evan didn't understand why pizza was so funny. They stayed the whole time, until visiting hours were over. When the Murphys left, Heidi returned. Connor was about to say that hours were over until he remembered what Heidi said about working there. She sat with Evan, giving him a small tree for his bed side. When Heidi left both boys were left in a dark room, both supposed to fall asleep. 

"You're Evan Hansen, right? You tired of living too?" Connor's voice cut through the air, piercing Evan's ears. 

"O-oh, um, y-y-yeah I g-guess? I mean I don't g-guess about being E-Evan! I-I guess about being tired o-of living? Um, how'd y-you try? Oh! S-sorry I didn't m-mean um. . . I'm s-sorry!" Evan spat out, beginning to panic. He always got this way with people, Connor was no exception. 

"Hey, calm down, I'm not going to kill you. I overdosed, jesus Hansen. I'd ask what you did but it seems you climbed a tree." 

"Um, C-Connor?" Evan's voice was small, timid. 

"Yes, Hansen?" Connor's voice was confident, there was a tone that indicated he was grinning at the awkwardness of the other boy.

"D-don't t-tell anyone." 

"Then how'd you break your arm, Hansen?" 

"I-I fell." 

"Saddest fucking excuse I ever heard, but whatever you say."

They were both silent for another ten minutes until Connor spoke up. 

"Want to talk? Just. . . I hate silence. . . Tell me about that tree or something." 

Connor listened as Evan babbled about trees, there was a look in his eyes that showed he cared far too much for trees. Evan was practically lighting the room with the sparkles in his eyes. Connor didn't know sparkles in eyes existed, but Evan made it happen. Connor would never believe Evan was depressed, it had to be something else, he was just happy. Connor's had a crush on this kid since second grade, and here they were, in the hospital together with Evan. Connor laid down, closing his eyes, listening to Evan go on and on, closing his eyes.

He was about to fall asleep when the lights flickered on and then everything went off. They heard thunder outside, which meant the power went out. 

In the hospital. 

"Ohmygodwe'retotallyscrewedisitcoldtoyouit'scoldtomewhatifsomeonediesConnorwhatifitwasbecausethepowerwentoutthisistoostressfullIcan'thandlethis!" Evan freaked, hugging himself. The trees were no longer the topic, the topic was fear and anxiety. "Ican'thandlepeopledyingIprobablymadethishappenwhatifitwasmethatdidthis?!"

"Hansen, it's dark and I'm tired. Don't piss me off right now." Connor hissed, looking (well, trying) at Evan. There was silence as they both let their eyes adjust, Connor noticed too much silence. "Hansen, please for the love of everything, fucking breathe. I don't want to be the reason of your death post-suicide attempt. Count with me, in for one, two three, four, five, six, seven." Connor waited until Evan breathed in. "Now, out for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." Evan breathed out, repeating this over and over again. "Now, it wasn't your fault. This is a storm and--" 

A huge crash of thunder sent Evan hiding under his covers, shaking. 

"Are. . . Are you scared of thunder, Hansen?" 

"N-no, I-I-I just h-hate loud noises." 

"Oh. Well shit, I love storms." 

"H-how?" 

"Well, it's how every great novel starts. There's a storm, or-or something exciting happens! Like the power just went out Hansen! This could be our story, couldn't it? Something amazing could happen, like maybe your plant turns into a money tree or something out of pure magic! Maybe the power being out means it will be only us in the end, maybe everyone will disappear! Evan, this storm could mean we share all our feelings as total strangers." Connor hoped his voice wasn't too hopeful, maybe Evan would gain feelings for him. "Maybe tonight is the night, maybe this storm is all we need. It's just you and me, Evan!" 

Evan felt his face heat up, it was too much of a romance novel for him. Also, Connor just called him Evan! Evan! Connor's words were soothing, he wanted to curl against Connor and forget his troubles. He wanted to--wait, he had a thing for Zoe. No. No, no no. 

"Hansen, I see my book talk made you nervous, want to play with my hair? Crawl over here." Connor was smiling, he truly felt something special for this boy. Evan made his way over, sitting next to Connor. He was shaking slightly, squinting in the dark to see Connor. "I grew it out, see if it helps at all." 

Evan nodded, running his fingers through it before beginning to braid it. Evan smiled, growing giddy as he pulled and twisted the strands. "I-it's really soft." 

"See? The storm brought two strangers close out of nowhere." Connor said softly, sighing as Evan practically massaged his head whilst braiding. 

"I-it did, huh? H-hey Connor?" 

"Yeah, Hansen?"

"I like your hair." 

Connor smiled, leaning his head back. "I hope this is the best braid." 

"O-oh, w-well you're fucked." 

"Gasp, the Evan Hansen cursed?"

"S-shut up." 

"Got it, Hansen. Just finish the braid." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The time morning rolled around the doctors, nurses, and family found the two boys curled up together. Heidi and Cynthia smiled, Larry had an awkward smile, and Zoe made a gagging sound. 

The braid was still in Connor's hair, it was almost as perfect as wonderful fake gagging.


	2. Hospital Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "O-oh y-y-yeah! W-w-we sent emails! O-over t-t-the summer b-b-before this! W-we sent loads of emails!" Evan stammered, looking at Connor for help. "R-r-right Connor?" 
> 
> Or: 
> 
> Connor and Evan lied, Jared is gay for Evan and actually shows he cares in front of people (yay), Evan is slowly losing feelings for Zoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't memorized the script, obviously, so the parts from the script aren't word to word.

The explanation of why Evan was in Connor's bed was difficult for Evan, Connor had to tell Evan's mother what happened as well as his own family. Evan was very thankful for Connor, thanking him many times after Heidi left. Evan was still on Connor's bed when Zoe started talking to Larry about group therapy alongside Connor's new therapy. Cynthia was smiling nervously, looking at her husband and daughter before turning to the two boys. "Well, Evan, are you and Connor friends from school?"

"Oh, u-u-um w-well--" 

"Yeah, we're the best of friends." Connor lied, eyes widening at his own words. There was panic no one could see, why did he say that? They didn't even know each other, Connor had no friends. Is this what lying was? Connor never hesitated to just be silent when his family said he was high, why wasn't he just silent this time? "Oh, um, best friends. We have the same classes." 

Zoe's eyes narrowed, apparently done talking to Larry. "You said you don't have friends." 

"Yeah, well, I lied." Connor huffed out, leaning back. He looked at Evan, who looked very panic. "Right, Hansen?" 

"O-oh y-y-yeah! W-w-we sent emails! O-over t-t-the summer b-b-before this! W-we sent loads of emails!" Evan stammered, looking at Connor for help. "R-r-right Connor?" 

"Yeah, totally." Connor smiled softly. 

"I have all your passwords, you couldn't have--" 

"A-a secret email! H-he told me about it, j-j-just for us!" Evan blurted out, looking down. 

"Oh." Cynthia said softly. 

Evan burned red with shame, the shame was mistaken to be embarrassment by the Murphys. Connor looked at his mother, grinning slightly. They all heard a buzzing sound and Evan yelped, looking at a small table near his bed. Evan got up, trembling as he picked up the phone. One of the many things Connor didn't think he'd see is Evan looking so pissed off to receive a text from someone, suddenly the phone started buzzing more and Evan fumbled to put it against his ear. "H-hello Jared?" There was silence for a bit. "U-uh, I can't? I-I'm, um, in the hospital? N-no, just. . . oh. . . NO!" Evan screeched, turning red. He covered his mouth, turning redder with either anger or embarrassment. "J-Jared y-y-you're t-too gay for y-your own good. I-I'm f-f-f-fine. Mm, i-if you co-could stop by la-later today? Y-yeah, p-p-perfect--y-you're outside?! O-oh, come in." Evan hung up, looking at the door. It slammed open, Jared Kleinman walking in like he was the coolest guy in the world.

"Jesus Evan, you're the only person I know who breaks his arm by jerking off too much." Jared made a face before grinning and sitting down. Everyone, except Evan, gave Jared a look of disgust. 

"I, um, fell out of a tree?" Evan smiled slightly, scooting closer to his 'family' friend. 

"What are you? An acorn? Jeez kiddo, get over here." Jared held out his arms, hugging him. "All my car insurance, can you see it? Look, it's slipping away because I wasn't with you when you decided to be Acorn Hansen." 

"I'm sorry Ja-Jared, I-I promise I'll be more careful a-and tell your parents you came." Evan whispered. 

Zoe looked at her brother, who was fuming. He was pissed because Jared was using Evan for car insurance and he was hugging Evan. Zoe sighed, the kid was helpless for the tree loving boy. She cleared her throat, but Jared talked over her, glancing at her and. . . glaring? 

"I was going to ask you to the new Spiderman movie, but you're here so now I have to record it or find a website. When do visitors leave but others are still allowed in? When does your roommate leave--oh my god that's Connor Murphy." Jared cried, covering his mouth with one hand, the other hand was on Evan's leg. "Oh my goooooooooood! Your hair is so long, did Evan braid your hair? He's great with hair--also, if you tell anyone I'm like this I'll kill you." 

"Okay, first of all I expect you to say it's a school shooter style, what's up? Also, yeah he did, how'd you know?" Connor squinted at Jared, Jared turned pink. 

"Um, well Evan made me promise not to--wait let me get this." Jared pulled out his wallet, now rubbing Evan's leg whilst turning away from Evan towards Connor. He pulled out a piece of paper. "I, the insanely cool Jared Kleinman, promise to not to insult anyone--especially Evan Hansen--when they are in pain, at the doctors, or dead with my knowledge." 

"The insanely cool--" 

"I was four!" 

Evan propped his chin on Jared's shoulder, looking at the note. "Y-your handwriting s-sucked." 

"Shut up acorn." Jared smiled. 

"Your logic doesn't fail to amaze me, the insanely stupid Jared Kleinman." Connor sounded emotionless, Cynthia gasped. 

"Connor!" 

"No, he called Evan and acorn and said he broke his arm by jacking off, is that not rude?" 

Jared looked at Connor, turning to Evan, turning to Connor, glaring at Zoe, turning to Evan again. "I'm sorry tree kink boy." Jared put his hand on Evan's thigh, squeezing slightly.

"J-Jared!" Evan squealed, squirming. 

"What? You so have one." Jared leaned closer, making Evan laugh. "See? He finds it funny, right Evan?" Evan nodded, laughing more. Connor's gaze softened, smiling as Evan laughed. He loved Evan's laugh, despite what other people said Evan was truly beautiful. That thought was quickly interrupted when Jared kissed Evan and Evan wrapped his good arm around Jared. Connor looked away, fuming. Zoe cleared her throat again, causing Jared to pull away. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm totally straight, I'm sorry." 

"H-he's rea-really fucking straight." Evan whispered, blushing a rose color. 

"Yes, that's why you two kissed." Zoe scoffed, Jared glared at her again. "Why do you keep giving me that look?"

"Because you're the only thing taking Evan away from me obviously." Jared hissed. 

"Aren't you totally straight?" Zoe had no idea why she was getting so defensive, it was for Connor, but she didn't know that.

"Okay, I lied, I'm really fucking bisexual like acorn over here." Jared hugged Evan close. Evan's expression was one of a person who was being tossed back and forth between two other people. It was like they were fighting over him, he didn't need that. He thought it was his fault, he knew it was his fault. He couldn't breathe and was it getting hot in there? Oh god he couldn't do this, he couldn't--

"Breathe in for eight," Jared whispered. "Good, now out for ten." Evan followed his instructions, calming down. Jared kissed his head, being incredibly sappy in front of the Murphys. "Am I ruining your chances with her?" Jared's voice was only audible to Evan, who shook his head slightly. 

"Well, we should go." Larry said, cautious of the two boys who were cuddling. He grabbed Zoe and Cynthia and left. Connor was stuck, watching his dream boy be cuddled by another boy. 

"I'm sorry, I'm the reason you won't get the person you want." Jared mumbled, Connor could hear him now. 

"I-i-it's okay, d-d-don't worry." Evan whispered. 

"Are you two just going to be gay?" Connor was glaring. 

"Nah, I have to go. See you at school Evan, don't tell anyone Murphy." Jared said, kissing Evan's head before leaving. Evan squirmed under Connor's glare which was still on him. 

"So you and Kleinman?" 

"J-just f-friends--not friends! F-family friends! Wedon'tactuallylikeeachotherromanticallyhe'sintochicksmorethanguys." 

"Oh, um, okay." Connor took a deep breath. 

"I'minterestedinsomeoneelserightnowJaredandIhaveliterallynoconnectionbesideshimgettingcarinsurencekissingissimplyforourcripplinglonelinessnotcreepuponusalsopracticewithkissing."

"Shhh, Hansen, deep breaths. Wait, did you say practice?" Connor smirked. "Practice kissing? Jeez Hansen, with Kleinman of all people."

"Um, w-well I have no other option." Evan mumbled. 

"Come here." Connor tapped his lips. 

"Th-that's not funny Connor." 

"I'm serious Hansen, we're stuck here together if you're going to practice why not with me?"

"Oh." 

"Yeah, let's give it a try Hansen." Connor moved to Evan's bed, grinning. Hey, if he was ever going to kiss the boy of his dreams this was the time. Evan leaned close, not all the way incase Connor wanted to back out. Connor looked at him before closing his eyes and kissing Evan Hansen. It was very soft, very experienced, very calm and nice. It was nice, and Connor felt a spark. Evan must've felt one too because he pulled away and began to stammer. Connor had no idea what was going through Evan's mind, it was too hard to explain by Evan's words and blush. 

Evan was really confused, he only felt this a couple times. He felt it when kissing Jared and once when looking at Zoe, but it was stronger with Connor. He ignored his feelings for Jared, he could ignore them for Zoe because he didn't feel it anymore; in all honesty he was just forcing himself to crush on Zoe at this point. That wasn't the point, the point was Connor. Evan's stomach was flipping, he was bright red, he was tearing up, his breathing was shallow. 

He had a huge crush on Connor Murphy.

Now what was he going to do?


	3. Hospital Emails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'd say you're improving, my darling little cherry tree." 
> 
> Or: 
> 
> Sincerely Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this one.

The practice was often and heart racing. They'd practice for hours, both hesitant to express their feelings. They were practicing then, Evan tilting his head up because Connor always seemed to be taller with good posture. Connor pulled away slightly, nipping Evan's lip. Evan shuddered slightly, looking up at Connor; Connor was grinning at him, rubbing a thumb over the bottom lip. "I'd say you were improving, my darling little cherry tree." 

"C-Connor!" Evan squealed, squirming a bit. Evan tended to squirm when happy with Connor, Connor loved the little squirm. "I'm not a cherry tree! 'M a tea tree!" 

"You're pinkish red, you're a cherry tree Hansen." Connor said in a hush voice, holding the blushing boy closer. 

"S-so what's o-our first email going t-to be? W-w-we have access to l-laptop thanks to m-my mom." Evan squirmed again, heart pounding in his chest. It wasn't supposed to be so difficult to pay attention. 

"Hm, dear Evan Hansen we've been way to out of touch. Things have been crazy--" Connor stopped to think. 

"I-it sucks t-that we don't talk t-that much?" Evan whispered. 

"Only you, my cherry tree, would manage to make things rhyme." Connor said, pulling Evan onto his lap. "But I can tell you that I think of you each night." Connor grinned, nipping Evan's ear. "I rub my ni--" 

"Why would you say that?" Evan stopped typing, cutting Connor off before he could continue. "Just. . . Just why Connor." 

"No stammering?" Connor smiled. 

"Just. . . let me write for you!" Evan huffed, ignoring Connor's snort. "I've got to tell you life without you has been hard." Evan glanced up at Conor, his smile turned into a smirk. "Has been bad--has been rough!" 

"Woah, didn't think you'd be so kinky." 

"I miss talking about life and other stuff--Connor shut up! I like my parents--"

"That was a bold face lie, I hated them before they started trying Evan." Connor grabbed the computer, Evan looked upset that Connor said that, so he sighed. "How about I say that I love my parents but each day's another fight." 

"H-hey Connor, if you stopped smoking drugs then everything w-would be alright. K-keep up with rhyming!" 

"How about we buy into their stupid ideas and say crack?" 

"Y-you s-s-smoked crack?!" Evan started to get off Connor's lap before two arms held him close alongside the computer. 

"No, just pot." 

"T-then that seems alright." Evan let out a shaky breath, curling up against Connor. "S-so you'll take my advice and be kinder?" 

"Be more nice." Connor typed. "Hey you said rhyme, cherry tree." 

"Stop calling me that!" Evan whined. 

"I'm turning around, wait and see. All that it takes is a little reinvention, it's easy to change if you give it your attention. All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be, sincerely me." Connor typed, sending the fake email to Evan's account. "Okay now type your response so we can do two emails a day, okay? One from me and one from you." 

Evan nodded, taking the computer and signing into his own account. "Dear Connor Murphy, yes I also miss our talks. Stop doing drugs, just try to take deep breaths and go on walks! I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees--" 

"Send me those damn pictures Hansen. I live for your love of trees at the moment, send them." Connor pleaded, smiling. 

"--you'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise. Dude I'm--" 

"Did you just say 'dude'?" 

"Connor let me finish. Dude I'm proud of you, just keep pushing through, you're turning around--I can see. You're right, all that it takes is a little reinvention, it's easy to change if you give it your attention. All you gotta do is just believe you can be who you want to be, sincerely me." Evan sent it to Connor's fake account. "There, we have two emails so far-- Connor wait!" 

"Dear Evan Hansen thanks for every note you send." Connor sent just that; that was the whole email. 

"Dear Connor Murphy I'm just glad to be your friend. Our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond!" 

"Probably because we're gay." 

"CONNOR!" Evan turned red, Connor looked at him before continuing. 

"Yes, definitely because we're gay. We're close, in that way. You're the man that I love to kiss." 

"Well anyway!" Evan continued to type. 

"Spill Hansen, you're gayer everyday." 

"Um, well I--yeah I-I guess." 

"We'll, all that it takes is a little tiny confession, it's easy to accept if you give it your attention." 

"Connor I swear." 

"All you have to do is just believe you can be who you are made to be, sincerely me." 

"H-Hey, Connor?" 

"Yes, my little cherry tree?" 

"Will we be friends at school once we're out of the hospital?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send requests!


	4. Hospital Confessions

"Friends?" Connor looked at Evan. He let out a small laugh, looking like that was the dumbest question he ever heard. "You're asking if we'll still be friends?!" 

Evan looked down, scurrying off of Connor's lap. "I-I-I'm sorry forget I-I said anything!" Evan was gasping for air, praying Connor wouldn't strangle him. He didn't mean to make his roommate mad, this was too much for Evan to handle. He backed away as Connor crawled closer, Connor was fast. He grabbed Evan's shirt, pulling him close. Evan hissed, the quick jostle from being tugged caused pain to his neck. 

"I. Am. Your. Best. Friend. Cherry. Tree." Connor growled. "You're bestest friend, if anyone fucking touches you or hurts you I will make them pay. I've done it before, I'll do it again. I--oh, are you okay? Did I hurt you Cherry Tree?" Evan nodded slightly, tearing up. He was really scared right now. "Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let me give you a little massage on your neck. That's where it hurts right?" Connor waited until Evan nodded again before beginning to rub his thumbs on the back of Evan's neck. They were both silent until Connor hummed some song he liked, looking at Evan's neck. Evan began to relax in Connor's touch, smiling slightly. If this was a friendship with Connor Murphy, Evan would enjoy it. "You feeling better Cherry Tree?" 

"Mmhm." Evan didn't notice his eyes were closed until Connor stopped, Evan opened his eyes quickly when Connor pulled his hands away. "Why'd you s-stop?" 

"You were feeling better, I also wanted to kiss you and I can't with my hands there." Connor smiled, lifting Evan's chin slightly. "May I, Cherry Tree?"

"Y-yeah, of course--don't call me cherry tree!" Evan crossed his arms before realizing that may get in the way of their kiss. Evan let Connor lead the kiss, he was happy until the realization that this wasn't practice set in. During practice Connor would say "want to practice" or something like that, never an announcement about wishing to kiss. It was a simple question, not a need. Evan wasn't complaining, it was nice to pretend that someone actually cared about him more than a friend.

He never felt cared about except when he was little and his mom and dad were there. He remembered it, and he was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to start crying when kissing Connor Murphy. He shouldn't have started to think about his dad and how worthless he, himself, was. Connor pulled away, looking at Evan. "Cherry Tree, what happened?"

"I-I thought about my dad." Evan whispered. 

"Oh, shh. You're okay, why are you crying?" 

"I-I wasn't even wanted by my father! Why would anyone e-e-else want m-me?!" 

"Evan--"

"Ifmyowndaddoesn'twantmewhywouldJaredoryouwantme?!" Evan may or may have not forgotten Zoe was his crush at one point. "Noonewouldeverwantme!" 

"Did. . . Did you say you want Kleinman and me, Hansen?" 

"I am having a panic attack Connor I'm saying a lot of shit I'll regret saying even though I'm telling the truth dammit!" Evan glared before mumbling reminders to himself to breathe. 

"Evan, I want you to tell me the color of my hair." 

"I-it's a brown." 

"Yeah, now Jared's?" 

"Lighter brown." 

"Yours?"

"It's sort of dirty blonde?" 

"I'd say light brown." 

"Blondish brown?" Evan asked. 

"Yeah, sure. Actually it's oak--never mind! Now Evan, are you calmer?" 

"No. I want to puke. I'm going to puke." 

"Oh. . . Oh! Okay!" Connor grabbed Evan, helping him up. They both made their way to the small bathroom, letting Evan collapse near the toilet. Connor rubbed his back as Evan puked his guts out. Evan was sobbing as he coughed up the remaining bits of his last meal. Connor whispered compliments, kissing Evan's head. Evan sat up, wiping his mouth, flushing the toilet, and grabbing his toothbrush. His hands shook as he put toothpaste on it, Connor turned on the little shower they shared. "Evan, get in the shower okay? I want you to wash up, alright? I'll wait for you out there, okay?" Connor waited until Evan nodded to leave and sit on his bed. He kicked his legs slightly, humming again. He felt it, he was going to confess to Evan and ask him out once Evan was dressed and out in their shared room. It took ten minutes but Evan was out there, smiling, back to normal. 

Connor sat Evan down. "Evan, listen I'm going to ask you something crazy." 

"O-Okay." Evan smiled. 

The door to their room opened, Jared Kleinman running in and asking the same question at the same time. 

Both Connor and Jared spoke. 

"Evan can we go on a date?"


	5. Hospital Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BathBomb: ;) ;) ;)
> 
> Or: 
> 
> Jared and Connor figure it out.

Evan stood there, looking at the two other boys. Both of them just asked him out; he had a crush on both of them. It was quiet for ten seconds until Evan ran back into the bathroom, covering his mouth. The next thing Connor and Jared heard was the sound of Evan puking once more.

"Well, shit." Connor huffed out. "I just got him out of a panic attack and we both bring him into a new one! Good going us, jesus I thought he'd say yes to me. He was just saying he was into us, why are you here Kleinman?" 

"Because I came to ask Evan Hansen out on a date for when he got out, I was going to take him to the park or something like that. What was your plan?" Jared glared before sighing and softening his gaze. "Okay, so obviously we're both into Evan so--did you say both of us?" 

"Yes I did." 

"He's into both of us?" 

"Yeah." 

"Huh." 

"Yeah, that was my reaction too. I didn't understand either, but he likes both of us Kleinman. Either one of us breaks his heart or we figure this out before murdering each other. Can we do that, or are you too full of jealousy?" Connor waited until Jared nodded. "I'm assuming that means we can do that, so Cherry Tree over there, puking his guts out, wants to date both of us. I have no attraction to you, I have loads for that cutie, but not you. I doubt you're attracted to me." Jared shook his head, Connor continued. "We could just. . . I don't know, both date Evan? We don't have to date each other--unless we, for some strange reason that wouldn't happen unless we were in a fanfiction or some musical, end up feeling something for the other, okay?"

"Understood, so um, shouldn't we help him?" Jared let his eyes gaze towards the bathroom, they both heard Evan coughing. Connor nodded, standing up and following Jared into the bathroom. Evan was crying again, which would be funny to Jared if it wasn't his fault Evan was crying. "Evan? Hey, you okay?" Jared almost winced when Evan shook his head. "Do I have a green light for rubbing your back?" Evan shook his head, now only gagging. "Okay, do you want me to stay in the room?" 

"Y-yes." Evan's voice was small. Jared and Connor shared a look, sitting down near the door, watching Evan. "'M sorry Jare, 'm sorry Con." 

"Don't say sorry, okay? Deep breaths, Jared is going to get you water and toast, okay?" Connor shooed Jared, he didn't want to point out how cute it was that Evan called Jared 'Jare' and Connor 'Con' so he tried to focus on the fact the same kid was puking. "Ready to brush your teeth again?" 

"Yeah." Evan flushed the toilet, standing up. He walked to the sink, putting toothpaste on the toothbrush there. "'M sorry, I puked a lot today, haven't I?"

"A bit, yeah." Connor grinned. "Don't worry about it, we've got you covered. I'm sorry if we startled you, asking you that so quickly. It wasn't planned, if that's what you were worried about, okay Cherry Tree? Jared and I just talked it out, we had no idea. I thought Jared was usually a dick to you, and he thought I didn't even know you." 

Evan glanced at Connor through the mirror whilst scrubbing his mouth quickly. Connor was smiling, keeping a distance incase Evan needed his space. Evan spit out the toothpaste, then began to wash out his mouth with water. Evan finally turned towards Connor, he was still smiling. "I-it scared me, I-I thought you two w-were messing with me because I-I said I liked you both." 

"I don't have Kleinman's school email, Cherry Tree, I don't have his number either. He and I both just happen to be head over heels for you, don't worry. I've liked you for some time now, even when you didn't know me." Connor stretched out his arms as watched as Evan took a step closer. Evan smiled a bit and stepped into his arms, allowing Connor to wrap them around Evan. "Now, you have to eat what Kleinman has brought you, okay?" Connor ruffled Evan's hair when he nodded and the two left the bathroom. 

"Toast, water, and just because I can I got you veggie chips." Jared said, awkwardly holding everything when Evan walked in. Evan smiled, taking them and putting them down; he looked at Jared and hugged him, making the glasses wearing boy blush before returning the hug. "I guess Murphy talked to you?" 

"Y-yeah." Evan squeezed Jared before letting go and sitting on the bed to eat. "I-I'd like to go out with you and him, i-if you don't m-mind?"

"No, we don't mind at all Cherry Tree." Connor smiled. His smile fell when Jared scoffed. "Got a problem, Kleinman?" 

"Evan isn't a cherry tree." Jared said. 

"T-told you I was a t-tea tree--" 

"No, you're a truffle tree." Jared stated, smiling. 

"What?!" Evan dropped the toast. "Noo, do you two even know what the symbolism is for those two trees?! Cherry trees mean beautiful and happiness! Truffle trees are known for strong aromatic flavours and mean faith and wisdom--well, inspiration too but no one remembers it for that. The tea tree is known for peace and calmness, which is why I'm a tea tree. I always appear calm!" 

"You're never calm unless you're talking about trees." Jared deadpanned. 

"Which is why you're not stuttering." Connor continued. 

"Well, I just. . . I am more of a tea tree! Jared you're a Rowan! It's known for protection and wisdom, it's really cool too! Connor's an elder tree, it's also protection but it's also prosperous! It suits you very well, right?" 

Connor and Jared shared a look, both realizing how adorable their shared boyfriend was. 

"Sure, got it Cherry Tree." 

"Whatever you say Truffle Tree." 

"I'm a tea tree!" 

"Eat up, okay?" Jared sat next to him, pointing to the bedside table near Connor's bed. "I got you pizza Murphy, no idea what you actually like." 

"I would die for pizza right now, thanks Kleinman." Connor grabbed the pizza and sat next to them, taking a bite.

Evan decided to share the veggie chips with them, mumbling about trees and how they symbolized different things and how it was insane they thought he wasn't a tea tree. Jared rolled his eyes as Connor snorted, both eating all of Evan's chips before he could get one. They stayed there, talking about trees until a nurse came in to check on Connor and Evan. Jared moved to a chair across from the bed, snickering as the other two were pampered like kids who were just taken to a new home. When the nurse left Connor chucked a pillow at Jared's face, smirking when it hit him straight on. Jared stuck out his tongue and refused to throw it back, both in a pillow fight way and in a friendly way. Jared used it for the chair he was sitting on, forcing Connor to take Evan's pillow. This left Evan pillowless and pouting, which forced Jared to give Evan the pillow. By the time that happened another nurse came in and told Jared he had to go, so Jared kissed Evan's head and winked at Connor before leaving. 

"You okay with this, Cherry Tree?" Connor asked, his voice was a mumble. It had been a long day for everyone, and he was tired. 

"Yeah, I-I am." Evan yawned. "Can we sleep?" 

"It's only--" 

"Nap." 

"Okay, let's both take a nap." 

Connor waited for a reply, but all he heard was soft breathing which indicated Evan fell asleep. Connor smiled, about to fall asleep before his phone buzzed. 

**BathBomb: haha Murphy suck it I got your WhatsApp!**

**BathBomb: it's Jared btw!!**

Connor smirked before sending a text.

**The_Con_Man: I'm napping 'BathBomb'.**

**BathBomb: yeah yeah, whatever 'The_Con_Man', sleep well (if Truffle Tree is sleeping take a pic for me, he's adorable!!)**

**The_Con_Man sent a photo!**

**BathBomb: thanks luv ;)**

**The_Con_Man: Never again, never call me that again.**

**BathBomb: ;) ;) ;)**

Connor snorted before laying down and falling asleep quickly.


	6. Hospital Outings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who the fuck is Rowan Tree?" 
> 
> Or: 
> 
> Telling your family you have two boyfriends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact (you should all read): I really really like trees, I send my boyf trees all the time, and I have so many facts. She says I'm Evan Hansen. I want to name people after plants, it's great.

"I u-used to have a crush on your sister." 

"So. . . do you still? That's fucked up, Cherry Tree, using me to get to her. That'd be like saying we were friends if I did kill myself." 

"I don't s-still, I'm dating y-you and Jared." 

"I don't know, it seems like you'd fucking use me--" Evan shut Connor up with a kiss, allowing the angry boy to melt into Evan's hands. Connor pulled away and looked at Evan, smiling again. "Okay, sorry Cherry Tree." 

"It's fine Elder Tree." Evan smiled back at him, nuzzling their foreheads together. "I was just telling you because Jare would sooner or late, he's bad at keeping secrets. I wanted to let you know, alright?" 

"Of course, understood. Is our lovely. . . what was he?" 

"A Rowan tree." 

"Is our lovely Rowan Tree visiting us today?" Connor had no idea why he was keeping up with the tree talk, but it made Evan happy therefore it made him happy. "Is he too busy today?" 

"He's trying to tell his parents about us. He might not be able to come, if he is able to he'll bring his family! My mom is coming, though! Your family is too, right? We're going to tell them, right?"

"We sure are, Cherry Tree." Connor breathed out, trying to prepare himself for the shit storm that would be known as his family's reaction. Connor didn't want to tell Evan they may not accept the three of them. Larry was getting better, Cynthia was truly trying, Zoe was Zoe. It was going to be painful, but he was almost ready. The one thought that didn't slip his mind was what Heidi Hansen would think, Connor didn't know her well but what if she hated him? What if she thought Jared was a better choice, and Evan should only date Jared. "We sure are." 

"Hey Connor." Zoe said in the fakest voice she could manage, walking in. "How are you today? Are you feeling any better? Why are you two cuddling?" Larry and Cynthia followed Zoe, both looking at Connor when she mentioned them cuddling. Connor cleared his throat, pulling Evan closer. 

"We're waiting for Ms. Hansen and maybe Kleinman to answer that, but I'm doing as great as someone can when they're in a hospital. How are you all?" Connor was trying, too. He wanted to try to work on his own issues and get closer to his family. "Anything happen in jazz band?" 

"Oh god it sucks." Zoe rolled her eyes. "I love playing and stuff, but god I hate memorizing everything. I'm, apparently, not trying hard enough! Can you believe it?! Me, not trying hard enough! Unbelievable!" 

Evan stayed quiet, he could feel Larry and Cynthia's gazes on him. It was painful, to say the least. His phone buzzed, letting him sigh and check. 

**BathBomb: Truffle Tree my parents want me to stay here and explain how the hell I managed to ask you out, they want to visit later though!! Tell Elder Tree (ha! He's old!) I say hi, okay??**

**Evan_Handful: okay, got it! Tell your parents I say hi!! And that you've been nice so car insurance!!!**

Evan snickered at his own little joke about Jared's old excuse for being nice. Connor instantly smiled a real Connor Murphy smile and looked at Evan. "Was that Rowan Tree?" 

"Mmhm! He said his parents want an explanation but they'll visit later to meet you and see me!" Evan was smiling. 

"When's your mom coming?" 

"She should be here in ten minutes, I can text her if you want." 

"Please?" 

"Who the fuck is Rowan Tree?" Zoe finally blurted out. 

"Zoe! Language!" Cynthia warned, Zoe rolled her eyes in response. 

"J-Jared." Evan whispered. "W-we're all trees. I'm Tea Tree--" 

"Liar. Evan is either Cherry Tree, called that by me, or Truffle Tree, called by Jared. I'm Elder Tree, Jared is Rowan Tree. It's all based on our personalities, I came up with it because Evan reminded me of Cherry Trees." Connor cut Evan off, grinning. "Isn't that cute?"

"It's, um, very cute!" Cynthia was phased by the fact Connor said 'cute'. It was unlike him, he didn't say it often. 

"I'm surprised you're not weed." Zoe joked. 

"H-he's g-g-giving up weed. W-we talked about it." Evan stammered, looking anywhere except the family until he made eye contact with Larry; Evan couldn't look away after that. 

"That's. . . amazing, you made him stop, um. . . Hansen?" Larry held out his hand, Evan shook it. He was really really hoping his hands weren't sweating. Larry pulled his hand, secretly wiping his hand against his pants. "Are you two, um, dating?" 

"Yeah, and Jared. Evan's dating him too!" Connor answered for Evan, holding the boy close. "Kleinman and I don't have a close connection, but hey it'll hopefully work." 

Larry and Cynthia shared another look, Connor was really excited about the boy. They haven't seen their son like this for forever. It was weird some kid who called their son a tree helped Connor get on a better path, but they'd accept whatever world allowed it.

"Evan? I'm sorry I'm late, I just got out of class and you'll never believe what I found while walking home! More scholarships!" Heidi walked in, smiling. She didn't even blink when she saw Evan and Connor cuddling. "We can get into a really good college if you fill these out!" 

". . . Great." Evan mumbled. 

"Evan--oh wait! Look! Notebooks, for the letters!" Heidi smiled, she was really trying. "Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why!" 

"Yeah, got it." 

"I'm proud of you!" 

"Thanks." Evan finally had a touch of thankfulness in his tone. "Um, thanks. M-Mom?" 

"Yes?" 

"I-I'm dating C-Connor." 

Heidi froze, finally looking between the two boys. ". . . Jared Kleinman said you were dating him." 

"I am." 

"You're cheat--" 

"I-I-I'm not my father." Evan held up his hands. "I-I'm dating both of them w-with th-their consent." 

"Oh thank god, I was going to cry. Jared had a thing for you since you were five, Evan, five!" Heidi sat on the bed with them. "He used to come to me--oh gosh you should've seen it! 'Heidi I may be really into your son what should I do?' 'Heidi, I may have messed up and been mean to him how do I fix this?' I mean come on, Evan." 

"T-That sounds like Jared." 

"Hey, as long as you're not breaking hearts and cheating and everyone is happy, it's fine." Heidi squeezed his shoulder before looking at Connor. "Hmmm, his hair is long. We should trim it slightly." 

"Mom." 

"It does look pretty long." 

"Mom please." 

"Maybe I could do pigtails just for laugh." 

Connor finally let out a laugh, Heidi Hansen was too much for him. Evan also looked super embarrassed, covering his face and begging his mom to stop; it was really funny to the long haired boy. "Y-you can--" Connor let out another laugh, he was having trouble speaking with how much he was laughing. "M-Ms. Hansen, you can put my hair in pigtails." 

"Yes, finally! I wish Evan had a sister, but of course by the time I wanted another kid his--never mind, let me do pigtails." Heidi moved to behind Connor, the Murphys couldn't help but notice how she treated Connor like her own son, complaining how he had too many knots in his hair. "You need to brush more, jeez Connor--sorry, that's rude but Evan run your fingers through his hair."

"I know Mom." 

"I'm Heidi, again." Heidi looked up at the Murphys, smiling. "Evan's one and only mother!" 

"I'm Cynthia, this is my husband Larry, and this is Zoe, our daughter." Cynthia smiled, holding out a hand to Heidi, who shook it with a lot of excitement. "It's a pleasure--but Connor, are you sure you should date with your health right now?" 

"Yeah, I mean Evan makes me feel really alive and stuff. I still need therapy, but knowing someone at least cares about me without being forced to because I was born into their life is nice." Connor replied, feeling the two pigtails Heidi had put in. "Zoe, do I look pretty?" 

"You look gay." Zoe said, rolling her eyes. 

"Isn't that the point?" Larry asked. 

"Larry!" Cynthia scolded, crossing her arms. 

"It's the point." Connor confirmed, putting an arm around Evan. "Now, we're all okay with this?" 

"Of course Connor." Cynthia assured, putting her hands together. "Whatever makes you happy--as long as it's not drugs or alcohol or sex!" 

"Same for you Evan." Heidi said, smiling. 

"P-promise." Evan stumbled over his words. They were quiet for a bit until they began to talk about recent events outside of the hospital. They were actually all getting along for once, it was really nice until Evan's phone buzzed. Evan looked at the caller before throwing it on the floor, making everyone look to see who called. 

**Dad is calling!**


	7. Hospital Self Deprecation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is your username Evan Handful?" 
> 
> Or: 
> 
> Connor loves Evan no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I have a fidget cube for the purpose of anxiety and ADHD, if I didn't have it I'd tear my face up (like, picking at acne and then the scars I make by doing such.)

"Evan, honey don't worry." Heidi took her son's hands. 

"W-Why is HE CALLING ME?!" Evan all but screeched. 

"I don't know, honey, let me take your phone." Heidi picked up the phone, answering it. "What the hell are you doing calling Evan?!" Evan and the Murphys watched as she left the room, leaving Evan in the room with Connor's family. 

"Cherry Tree?" Connor whispered, lifting Evan's chin. "You okay?" 

"I-I have had the total o-of t-three panic attacks in a-a day and a half Connor, no I'm not okay!" Evan batted Connor's hands away. "I want to sleep for five years--no I want my dad to be dead--no that's t-too much! I just don't want him to ever s-see me!" 

"Need to puke again?" Connor asked, still whispering. 

"No." 

"What's up with Evan's dad?" Zoe asked, looking almost bored. 

"He--can I tell her Cherry Tree?" Connor was still whispering, much to the annoyance of Zoe. Evan shook his head, grabbing Connor's hands. "You want me to just hold your hands so you can squeeze them?" Connor let out a small laugh when Evan nodded, the laugh didn't last long because god Evan had a good grip. Evan was practically squeezing the life out of them. "Cherry Tree calm down." 

"No." Evan replied, squeezing harder. It was kind of helpful to squeeze something, he'd have to talk to Heidi about getting a squeeze ball. The squeezing kept him sort of grounded. 

"You feeling better?" 

"Sort of." 

"Okay, now--"

Heidi walked back in, frowning. She placed the phone down, sitting on the bed. "Evan, if he calls again you hang up--Evan Connor's hand is purple."

Evan let go of Connor's hand, frowning but nodding. "Sorry Connor." 

"You two are sickeningly sweet." Zoe piped up. 

"Thank you." Connor shook out his hand. "Um, anyway, yeah. What were we talking about again?"

"Um, school next year." Cynthia smiled, her smile always seemed to have a touch of nervousness. 

"Oh, yeah! Well, I, for one, am excited for english class." Connor leaned back.

"W-well obviously science, be-because I'm in environmental b-biology. I-I really love plants and trees." Evan mumbled. "I really really love the science behind them too, so it'll be fun."

"I just. . . I don't want to be a sophomore anymore. I'm glad to be a junior." Zoe muttered. 

"No one asked Zoe." 

"Connor!" Cynthia hissed. 

"What? It's true! Cherry Tree, text Rowan Tree--jesus I sound like you--and ask if he's coming or not." 

Evan rolled his eyes but took out his phone. 

**Evan_Handful: Jaaaaaare**

**Evan_Handful: Pleeeeeaaaaaaseeeee come.**

**BathBomb: I can't I'm sorry :-(**

**Evan_Handful: NEVER USE A NOSE IN AN EMOTICON A G A I N**

**BathBomb: :-(**

Evan shoved his phone into Connor's hands. "There, he can't."

"Is your username Evan Handful?" Connor asked, looking slightly concerned. ". . . Change it now." 

"What?" 

"Change it!" 

"Why?!" 

"Change it now Evan!" 

"No!" 

"Evan--" 

"Connor, chill." Zoe interrupted. "It's a joke, right Evan?" 

"Um, y-yeah." Evan mumbled, it was a lie. He changed it to that when a bully pushed him into a locker, calling him that. He thought it was funny and true, so he changed his username from 'TreeBoy' to it. "A joke, that's it." 

"We will finish this conversation later, Hansen." Connor was squinting at Evan now. 

"O-oh, okay." Evan squirmed in his spot on the bed. 

"Well, we should be going anyway." Larry stood up. "I have to head to work and your mother wants to take Zoe clothes shopping." 

"Get me a hairband." Connor told his sister. 

"Understood." Zoe stretched before slowly following Larry out. Cynthia kissed Connor's and Evan's heads before waving to Heidi and filing out of the room. 

"I should get going to, I have one more night class. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Heidi gave her son a nervous smile and kissed his forehead before leaving. 

Leaving Evan with a very pissed off Connor. 

"Evan. Change it. Now." Connor growled, crossing his arms. 

"No way, I-I think i-it's funny!" Evan let out a small laugh to prove his point. "Y-you think it is too, right? C-come on Elder Tree! There's n-nothing to change it to."

"Evan Handsome." 

"Stop."

"That Tree Boy." 

"No." 

"The Cutest Person Ever." 

"Connor."

"What?"

"No." 

Connor sighed, grabbed Evan, and laid back with the tree lover in his arms. Evan squirmed so his chin was on Connor's chest, looking at the him before touching the pigtails put in his hair. Connor smiled and rubbed Evan's back, speaking in a soft tone. "You are so difficult, you know that Evan?" 

"Yes, hence t-the name Evan Handful." 

"That's not what I meant--" 

"I know, I'm just a handful at a certain point." 

They were both silent for a couple minutes, Connor was listing every time he was able to sleep better because of Evan's sleep talking in his mind. Evan was looking for something to say to get rid of the awkward quiet. "Cherry Tree, you're not a handful--" 

The phone rang again. 

**Dad is calling!**

Evan hung up quickly but--

**Dad is calling!**

**Dad: Evan pick up.**

**Dad is calling!**

**Dad is calling!**

"Make him stop Connor! Make him stop!" Evan was whimpering, hiding under his hands. "Please make the phone stop." 

Connor, being a. not in a panic attack and b. good with his own phone, took the phone and turned it on do not disturb. Blocking Evan's dad would come later if Evan so desired. Evan slowly lowered back on Connor's chest, sniffling, and trembling. Connor began to rub his back, closing his eyes. "You're perfect, okay? I can sleep better knowing you're safe, Hansen. Do you get that part at least? You're not a handful, that's my boyfriend you're speaking about, leave him alone." 

"O-okay." Evan whispered, burying his face into Connor's chest. Connor chuckled and moved his hand up to Evan's hair, moving it up and down. Evan squirmed to get closer to Connor's face, laying his head now on Connor's shoulder. Connor kept up the motion he has been doing, now kissing Evan's head alongside the movement. "Connor, are you sure we'll be out and proud at school? I'm sort of an embarrassment, no one likes me." 

"Listen, if anyone is bringing someone down it's me. I literally threw a printer at a teacher in second grade, calm down Evan." Connor whispered, kissing his head more. 

"Pffft, that's really funny for some reason." 

"Maybe it's because you're slightly homicidal." 

"No I'm not!" 

"Shhh, your secret is safe with me." 

Evan pouted but dropped it when he felt a wave of tiredness wash over him. Evan fell asleep on top of Connor, letting said boy drop his hand and look at the smiling sleeper. 

Yeah, Connor could get used to this.


	8. Hospital Honesties

"So. . . you're dating Jared and Mr. Murphy?" 

"Y-yes Mrs. Kleinman." 

"I see." 

Evan was playing with his own hands as his boyfriends were rubbing his back and legs. He was scared, Jared's mom knew him for a longer time and she had her own impressions on him. He could fake anything with Connor's family, with Jared's family he couldn't help but fail to be brave. It seemed he wasn't able to do much at this point, but Jared was smiling at him; he looked at Connor, he was also smiling at him. It gave Evan a bit of hope and bravery. "I-I hope yo-you're okay with this." 

"Of course, Evan. I'm just curious to why both of these men? You're not leaving any for the next gay man. Who is the next boy, will there be a next boy?" Mrs. Kleinman gave a small smile, Evan let out a small chuckle. "I'm serious Evan!" 

"Mooooooooooooom!" Jared whined. 

"W-well Mrs. Kleinman, I first plan t-to take every guy AND girl at my school, t-then the city!" Evan teased, making Jared's mother laugh. "T-then the state!" 

Jared's mother grabbed Evan's good hand. "Take the whole world boy, take it!" 

"I-I will!" 

"Good boy Evan, I'll leave you three alone. Jared's father wants me to bring the pictures home and tell him everything! I'm sorry he couldn't make it sweetie, I'm glad you three are getting along!" 

"B-bye M-Ma'am." The three watched Jared's mother vanish through the hospital room door, one out of three smiling. Evan knew Connor was protective, he just didn't know HOWprotective he was. Connor made eye contact with Jared, who was frowning. Jared, too, was very protective. Evan fake planning was a bit too much for the two as they both pushed him on the bed, pinning him with one arm each. "G-guys?!" 

"You aren't allowed to look at anyone, even Murphy's sister." Jared hissed out. 

"Especially my sister." Connor's voice was more of a growl than a hiss. "Mister 'I had a crush on your sister'." 

"He told you?" 

"Yeah, Cherry Tree told me two days ago." 

"Oh good, well yeah especially not Zoe." 

"Let gooooooo!" Evan whined, squirming. 

"Since he's been honest about Zoe, can you be honest to me Ev?" Jared asked in a quiet voice. Evan stopped squirming, tilting his head, and nodded. "Did you really fall? You never fall from trees, you always know when a tree is unsteady. Did you really fall, Evan? Or. . . or did you let go? I know I was a shit friend and kiss partner, alienating you, but I need you to be honest so I can be a good boyfriend."

"I-I let go." Evan whispered, it was silent until Jared let out a huge sob. The pinning turned into hugging, crying, apologies. Evan felt bad, he did lie to Jared at first; Jared, on the other hand, felt like Evan's attempt was his fault. The sobbing didn't stop, Evan was growing worried, and Connor was tearing up. It was a mess, the mess grew when Connor let a tear fall. There was no noise from him, just tears. Evan hid his face, trembling. "I'msorryI'msososorry." 

"N-no, don't be--well do be but jesus Evan. Y-you should've pulled a Murphy and hurt someone else like me! J-just lose it and murder me!" Jared whispered, five seconds later feeling a punch from Connor. "No he should've M-Murphy, back off!"

"I mean he did, we both attempted suicide but I suppose fighting also would help. We need to build our Baby Tree's confidence don't we?" Connor whispered back. "Cherry Tree we're going to start helping you with letters. If you can't think of anything for a good day we'll be there to help you. We'll make sure you get better--" 

"Hold it Murphy, you too. We need to make sure you're safe and do meditation!" Jared hissed. "You may not be MY boyfriend but you're still Evan's boyfriend! You're important to my life too!" 

"Got it, Kleinman." Connor sighed. 

"J-Jared y-y-you too. You have a-a lot of shit, w-we both will work on it. N-not both, a-all three!" Evan piped up before the other two remembered why they were having this conversation. 

"Cherry Tree where's your letter for today?" 

"Yes, Truffle Tree, where is it?" 

"U-Uh, w-well--" 

"Write it." Jared and Connor said at the same time. 

Evan nodded before grabbing a pen and paper.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day and here's why. Today your boyfriends were super protective and they're getting along (a bit) so all is well. As long as you be who you believe you can be you will be alright. They're watching you write this, it's a bit agitating but you are fine. You really really wish you told Jared first, but you're all quite happy dating. As the days go you realize school is soon, will they act proud of you? Of dating you?_

_Don't think that, it's all good._

_Sincerely,_

_Me._


	9. Hospital Releases/Summer is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nooooooaaaaybeeeee"
> 
> Or: 
> 
> They're out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you bootlegs--I mean uh. . . my great friends for helping me learn the letters as best as I can.  
> Also 'throughawindow' on Tumblr for helping make sure it was okay.

"You okay Cherry Tree?"

"'M kinda nervous about school tomorrow, right after we get out. I don't want to leave our hospital room--is that stupid?" 

"Nah, you're worried." 

"W-well m-my mom is ready for me." 

"Yeah, Zoe is getting me." 

"Love you Elder Tree." 

"Love you too, now go." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be an amazing day and here’s why," Evan spoke aloud as he wrote. "Because today all you have to do is just be yourself but also confident, that’s important, like easy to talk to, approachable, but mostly be yourself, like that’s #1, be yourself. Just be true to yourself. Also though don’t worry about whether your hands are going to get sweaty for no reason. You can’t make it stop no matter what you do because they're not gonna get sweaty. So I don’t even know why you're bringing it up because it’s not going to happen because all you have to do is be yourself. I’m not even gonna worry about it because seriously it’s not gonna be like that time where you had the perfect chance to introduce yourself to Zoe Murphy after the jazz band concert last year and you waited afterwards just to talk to her and tell her how good she was and you were gonna pretend to be super casual like you didn’t even know her name and she would introduce herself and you would like “I’m sorry I didn’t hear you, Chloe, you said your name was Chloe?” And then she would be like “No it’s Zoe.” And you would be like “Well so you see I thought you said Chloe because I’m just very busy with other stuff right now.” But you didn’t even end up saying anything to her because you were scared and your hands were sweaty, which they weren’t that sweaty but you started worrying they were sweaty which made them sweaty so you put them under the hand dryer in the bathroom so they weren’t sweaty they were just very warm now as well. Don't worry about that, you're dating Connor and Jared now so it's okay. No worrying about Zoe, ha! Um, anyway, hopefully they'll still notice you! Of course they will! Sincerely, me." Evan put the period before hearing Heidi call him. He ran downstairs, smiling. 

"Did you write a letter?" Heidi asked, smiling. 

"I did!" 

"I'm proud of you once again! Seize the day!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"You're not missing the first day?" Cynthia was a bit surprised. 

"It's my first day of senior year, I'm not high, there's no excuse Mom." Connor said, eating breakfast. 

"The interstate's jammed." Larry grumbled. 

"Connor don't take all the milk!" Zoe shot a look at her brother. 

"I'm heading out." Larry stood up, Zoe following suit. 

"If you don't finish breakfast I'm leaving without you!" 

"Oh come on Zoe!" Connor stood up, following his sister out the door.

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Evan felt so alone, not only did Connor have no classes with him, Jared didn't either. He was sitting in the computer lab, writing. 

"Dear Evan Hansen, turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be? I know, because all my hope is pinned on Connor and Jared, the two you haven't talked to all day. You've seen them in the halls but you can't even talk to them, maybe if you could just work up the courage to speak to them. Maybe nothing would be different at all, because why would they want people to know they're dating you? No one wants to date someone who sits alone. I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow? Sincerely, your most best, and dearest friend, me." Evan read before printing it. He heard Connor's voice Evan was in a panicked state. He ran out of the computer lab, hiding his face. 

He left his letter in the computer in his panic. 

Connor heard the printer go off, walking over. No one was in the lab, so of course he went over. "Oh, it's Evan's--oh. 'Because all my hope is pinned on Connor and Jared, the two you haven't talked to all day. You've seen them in the halls but you can't even talk to them, maybe if you could just work up the courage to speak to them. Maybe nothing would be different at all, because why would they want people to know they're dating you? No one wants to date someone who sits alone. I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?' Evan wrote that." 

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Evan's day was worse after that, it seemed no one cared about him or his broken arm. Alana talked about her relative breaking something, but she didn't end up signing her name on the cast. He was now avoiding Connor in fear that Connor saw his letter. Jared was off with friends, having fun because who has fun with Evan Hansen? 

He could just disappear. 

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"Kleinman!" 

Jared turned around from his friends to see Connor Murphy walking to him. One of his friends hit his shoulder. "Dude, the psychopath is trying to talk to you, how'd you fuck up? Is he gonna kill you Jared?"

"He's dating my boyfriend, shut up." Jared saw the letter in Connor's hand and instantly knew what happened. "Murphy, where's Evan?" 

"I don't know, I found this in the computer lab. No one was in there, so I went to get it and I saw Cherry Tree's name on it. Read it, it's really fucking messed up. He thinks we don't want to talk to him."

"Oh shit, and class is over." 

"Yes?" 

"Where would he go to disappear?" 

They were both silent until alarms rang in their heads, both looking each other in the eyes. "THE FOREST!"

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"I'm basically waving through a window, you beautiful sequoia, you. Always tapping on the glass, hoping someone looks out at me. I don't think I even make noises, like if I let go of you I won't make a sound. Hey, um, will I ever make a sound?" Evan looked down, he was at least sixty feet up at this point, so higher than before. If he dropped he might die, that, or break his other arm. "You're a tree, you can't answer me. I used to believe I belonged here, where did I go wrong in my life?" Evan hid his face in his hands, starting to tear up. "Oh my god." 

"Cherry Tree stay there!" Connor's voice cut through the air, causing Evan to look down. "Okay Rowan, how do we get him down?" 

"Uh, one sec. Truffle Tree?!" Jared looked up, panic in his eyes. 

"Yes?" Evan was feeling light headed. 

"How did you plan on getting down? Do we have to climb up?" 

Evan shook his head, beginning to climb down the tree. He decided not to let go and fall in front of his boyfriends, because surely they didn't want his death on their hands--unless they wanted him to die. He was almost at the bottom, just seven feet left, when he slipped and fell. He was braced for the pain when he felt two pairs of arms catch him, gripping him tightly. He opened his eyes slowly, seeing Jared and Connor look at him concerned. "'M sorry?"

"Don't you dare be sorry right now. Tell us what you were thinking!" Connor demanded, his voice was enough to make Evan shrink in his seat. "Were you going to let go again?!" 

"Nooooooooooaaaaybe." Evan's answer changed when he saw the looks the two gave him. 

"That's a yes, a maybe is always a yes in his case." Jared muttered before kissing Evan's forehead. "Never again, we wouldn't be able to handle a world without you Ev, we wouldn't even be able to stand ourselves." 

"O-okay." Evan mumbled, looking between the two. It was quiet until Evan's boyfriends began to shower him with kisses and praise, making sure he knew he was loved. 

God was Evan loved.

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_Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why._

_Because today Jared and Connor decided the best course of action was to stand up on a table at lunch and scream to your school "we're both dating Evan Hansen, he is taken" so now everyone knows. Jared's 'friends' made fun of him a bit before stalking off to sit with girls, but hey it's okay._

_Sincerely,_

_Me._


End file.
